I don’t know what you call it but whatever it is, it sucks sweaty ass-juice!

I recently broke up with my then girlfriend. More accurately, she broke up with me first. Even more accurately, I wanted to break up with her for a while but didn’t have the testicular fortitude to pull the trigger. So I waited and passed time until something happened in her life where she needed to “work on herself”.

She wanted a “break”. I asked for a break up. There was little negotiation. My mind was set.

There was no one else in the equation. The situation was fairly complex but it mainly had to do with the inability to manage a healthy personal and professional life. Because I do respect and love her still (not in “that” way) I won’t go into any further details about the breakup. Besides, the point of me posting this is to try to understand what’s going on in my head.

Since my breakup I’ve lost a few pounds, got in better health overall, immersed myself in work, spent a lot of time with my own thoughts (it amazes me how genuinely fascinated I am not only with myself but with the idea of my own fascination with myself). Anyway, I’m doing quite well both mentally and physically. I can always be in better shape but really I’m not that crazy into personal fitness to the point of obsession. I’m strictly a “behind the camera” type of guy. Nope, I’m quite comfortable with my appearance.

On the work front, I haven’t been this productive in a long time. I recently took on a couple of projects outside my day job that’s not only fascinating but equally rewarding. I’m meeting a lot of interesting and creative people. And I’m learning a lot. Few things make me feel better than learning something new.

So I feel great. I look better. I’m definitely holding onto more cash in my wallet lately. Work is fun and challenging (in a good way). Things are generally good.

Here’s the issue:

I’ve had two opportunities recently to go out with a new girl but didn’t pursue it. I felt guilty.

GUILTY!!!

What the hell is that?!?!? I didn’t even do anything!!

18 months ago (before I met my ex-girlfriend) I was on a dating streak that rivaled my best party days. I seriously had a great run going. I think at one point I was seeing four or five girls simultaneously and it was great! No guilt. No regret. No lies. Just pure fun.

Now I’m friggin’ sitting on my couch on Saturday nights reading Mark Penn’s Microtrends!!! WTF!!!!

A few weeks back I had a few people over at my place after a night of drinking and going out to a few bars around my neighborhood. Old me had this game down pat. Old me would’ve brought back the party to my place (which I did), served a few more drinks (which I did), got some music on (which I did), lit a few candles (which I did), directed the conversation to suit the crucial next few steps (which I did), then isolated one of the nicer looking girls to show off my cool touch pad dresser lamp in my bedroom (WHICH I MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT!)

No. Instead, I got tired like some old Depends dependent douchebag and KICKED EVERYONE OUT! Then I went to sleep alone.

What do you call this? Too soon? Rebound? Maturity? Vaginally challenged? Whatever it is, it really sucks some major sweaty ass-juice.

Not cool at all.

This weekend I went to the driving range and shot a bucket of balls with some friends. We then had lunch over at Melrose Ave. I also had dinner with the ‘Rents.

No bars. No girls. No chance to show off my cool touch dresser lamp.

Sometimes the best wingman a guy could have!

I don’t know what the average time to get over a relationship is but I would really like to understand this situation better.

The obvious thing to say is that I may still be in love with my ex but I know in my mind and heart that she is not the one for me. There are too many conflicting values.

Maybe it is too soon. But it’s been two months. And we’ve been together for a very dense 15 months. That’s almost 15%. That should be enough time to get over someone no?

Maybe I’m just really into my work which I find very engaging and fascinating.

What ever it is I hope it passes soon.

I hope I figure it out.

The fact that it doesn’t bother me any more than it does is really the only thing that bothers me about it.

That makes sense right?

cap

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